Self-love is the foundation of confidence and well-being. Everybody needs to love themselves in order to move forward. Unfortunately, nobody has any idea how to do this. The problem is compounded by the fact that modern society is actually geared towards programming people to be unhappy. We are taught to put
on makeup and cologne because that is what will make other
people like us. This is the opposite of the truth, and the more inauthentic a person is, the less he will be genuinely liked.
How to Find Self-Love
For many, finding the ‘self’ and finding self-love are one and the
same. Because we can only love ourselves when we finally find
out who we are. To do this, we need to rid ourselves of societal
programming. If you are asking what this is, the answer is that it is
pretty much everything. Most people grow up in a certain environment, adopt the values of their tribe/society, and view anybody
outside of their tribe as foreign and alien.
But this is just an identification of values that we never consciously adopted. One way to find out how illusory these values
really are it to travel extensively and immerse yourself in a different culture. You will see that the other people are really no different from you, aside from having different beliefs.
Removing the Ego
It is impossible to love yourself as you are because you do not actually know who you are. As we grow up, we identify with certain
things in order to have a platform. It might be a political belief, our
appearance, our principles, our jobs, our expertise, and most
likely a combination of all of these. So, we get an idea of ourselves and what we are. But it is not possible to really love an illusion. We first have to rid ourselves of ego as much as possible.
Ego can be termed as synonymous with identification/attachment
to material objects and ideas. The less attached a person is, the
closer he or she is to enlightenment. The ego can be thought of
as a protective skin that protects us in a certain incarnation. When
the person is ready to evolve, the skin is shed.
In order to become who, we really are, there are practical steps to
be taken. You could start by:
1. Eliminating or reducing cable TV and social media.
2. Reducing your use of technology and getting out in nature.
3. Reading spiritual material daily.
4. Meditating daily.
5. Doing yoga or some other transformative practice.
6. Examining your belief system.
7. Consciously detaching from material objects.
8. Embracing a minimalist lifestyle.
The last item is arguably one of the most significant when it
comes to reducing the personality. The less that we rely on external objects, the closer we are to our true selves. This is another
subtle reason why technology is so damaging. It distracts us from
our innate resources and intuition.
Shadow work is another item that you can do if you need to try
and integrate the aspects of your personality that you find hard to
deal with. Many are contending that shadow work is the missing
piece of the puzzle in a world where everyone is pretending to be
nice in order to get what they want.
If we can face all aspects of ourselves then we can get more whole and integrated. The
shadow is separate from the ego/persona in the work of Carl
Jung. The persona is the conscious mask while the shadow represents the unconscious and repressed tendencies. Modern society has forced our tendencies to stay repressed in the shadow
self. But these tendencies do not simply evaporate into thin air.
They must be expressed.
In any case, repressed beliefs and emotions are a huge stumbling
block on the quest for self-love. You cannot love yourself if you
won’t look at yourself. This is why shadow work has taken off in
recent years as the first step towards self-realization at the detriment of the popular law of attraction.
“What we call civilized consciousness has steadily separated itself
from the basic instincts. But these instincts have not disappeared.
They have merely lost their contact with our consciousness and
are thus forced to assert themselves in an indirect fashion. Modern man protects himself against seeing his own split state by a
system of compartments. Certain areas of outer life and of his
own behavior are kept, as it were, in separate drawers and are
never confronted with one another”
Directly Developing Self-Love
There are more direct ways to develop self-love. The first thing
that you must do is write down and analyze your beliefs. You
need to figure out which ones are limiting your progress. Everybody has core beliefs that prevent them from moving forward.
These beliefs are ingrained deep in their psyche and are very difficult to remove. For example, you might believe that you are unworthy of love due to being abandoned as a child. This is a very
tough belief to deal with and is incredibly deep-rooted. People
who deal with these kinds of traumas will typically derive more
benefit from shadow work. When faced with such trauma, the individual will split its consciousness apart in order to avoid facing it.
This is a primary cause of schizophrenia where people cannot
confront an aspect of themselves. But to really proceed down the
path of self-love, you need to love all parts of yourself, not just
There is no single method to develop self-love. It comes from a
variety of different modalities and is usually a lifelong process.
Some people derive benefit from exercise, others from creative
writing. It usually comes down to the core issues or beliefs that
are bothering that person the most. Somebody with social anxiety
might have lots of inner demons to fight in terms of socializing.
Another person might be fixated on appearances and be unable
to relate to other people in any meaningful way. There are always
more ways to develop but everyone has their sticking points to get
over. For many, it is money, for others self-worth, and for yet
more it is sexual relations. Finding and working on core areas are
the most beneficial. All aspects must be integrated to form a fully
whole and complete human being.
Aside from this, there is a technique that can be incredibly fruitful
to everybody who engages in it. It is simple and obvious but rarely
implemented to the hilt by people. It’s the law of attraction. It involves doing what you want at all times and looking for things that raise your vibration by switching your thoughts as much as possible.
It requires following your dreams at all costs and being blissful regardless of the circumstances. If you really love yourself, you would manifest the life you want, do all that you desire, never take
no as an answer, travel the world, and pamper yourself.
There is no reason not to. You would want your loved ones taken care of,
why not you? Both the law of attraction and shadow work are remarkably effective for those who work at them for extended time
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